Gay angel

I love gay male sales people. I adore them!! I believe they are at the hub of all high end woman’s clothing stores. The do not get the credit they are so deserving of!

I went on a reluctant quest for some new pants today. Clothes shopping use to be a passion (when I was a size 2). Now that I am continuously expanding shopping is a horrible experience, I would rather suck on ice cubes made from glass! Today was a completely different experience! Thanks to my new gay salesmen friend.

I shuffled into the store ruing the fact that I needed yet more jeans. It would be much easier on my bank acct to loose some weight. But there he was, a beautiful jean finding angel; balding, slender and dressed to the nines. Shoes polished, nails nicely trimmed, with a simple swagger and great smile. My gay “fashion police”. Hallelujah!!!!

He must have spotted the frown on my face and the “woe is me walk”. He approached me, asked if he could help, I thought to myself, “sure dude, are you a plastic surgeon, do you have a magic fat sucking machine in the back?” I reluctantly informed him I was in need of some new denim. He looked me up and down (and not in the creepy straight guy way). He joyfully chimed, with your shape I highly suggest capris. I know they would fit you beautifully and look fantastic on your frame. Sure gay dude, clothes haven’t looked fantastic on me since I had my kid. I appeased him and let him dress me. After rummaging through the racks and occasionally mumbling to himself, he picked out a blouse and pants. Well, my faithful few, I must say, he did a tremendous job!! After I paid for my purchases, he stopped me before I exited, he informed me that a pair of tan mules with a slight heal would complete the outfit, but not to wear a necklace, as the ruffles going down the blouse would “fight with the jewelry”. I walked out of the store holding my bag as if it were filled with gold nuggets.

The best and most important part of this story is… wait for it…. the capris are a size FOUR!! Unfriggin believable! I am NOT a size four! Yet, my “gay angel” was able to locate a designer who runs their sizes small. I am not removing the tag off my ass. I will bend down every change I get. Everyone will see that size four. EVERYONE!!! I will giggle as they cackle “no way is SHE as size four”. I will point to my rear end and state “read it and weep biotches!!”

I will be seeing my new friend again next weekend. This time I am going on full fledged shopping spree. How can I go wrong?! No need to lose that weight! Not unless my new found personal shopper finds another occupation. Let’s hope that is a bridge I never have to cross.