Beer sucks!

WHY??? Why oh, why did I have to age. I know for sure my body chemistry has changed. I am no longer the spry young thing I once was. I have known this for awhile but believe I was in denial. I am taking the first step and admitting that I am unable to perform some of the activities I used to indulge in when I wore a younger ladies soul.

My friend Liza came over the other night. I was giddy with excitement, a friend, yeah, we will talk about girlie stuff and drank some adult elixirs. I was completely unaware of the fact the poison would render me useless.

Liza stopped by and cradled in her arms was a twelve back of beer. My eyes lit up, I took one of the cans and enjoyed the taste as it rolled down my throat. I wish it never absorbed into my body! Well, maybe one or two, dare I even go as far as three would have been ok. But did Liza and I stop at three, HELL NO! We joyfully polished off that twelve pack.

We were commiserating about husbands and kids, life in general. Then, as if teenage girls invaded our bodies we begin singing and dancing around my house. We left the large picture window unshaded and put on a show for all the neighbors and the poor passer byers who just happened to have the misfortune of heading down Hathaway Street.

As we took our sixth beer each out of the fridge a wave of panicked swept over us, OH NO! What are we to do? No worries, I sent my ever suffering husband out into the night to purchase more. When he opened the door with a fresh new six pack we were happier than a six year old on Christmas morning. We continued to dance and sing (we are excellent dancers and singers, just ask any of my neighbors). The inevitable occurred, we drank the six pack. YIKES! A normal person would have probably realized they had enough already. But we are no ordinary ladies you see. Off went the husband for yet another beer run.

At some point in time we came to our senses and put down the beer (either our senses or my body quit, do not exactly recall). I thought all was well as I headed into my bed. I was WRONG!

The next morning I paid and paid and paid! I felt as if I could sleep for a week. After showering I still felt as if I had a layer of filth on my skin. And don’t get me going on how many times I brushed my teeth, I hope I still have enamel left on them. My child still needed tending to and I barely had the strength to lift him.

I am glad this is not something that is typical for me. But it does sadden me that I am physically unable to partake in activities such as this even once in awhile. What did I do to deserve this? When did I become someone else? Damn you old body!! I damn you to hell. I want my old body and soul back – it was much more fun and treated me a lot kinder!