TV

I fear it! I fear for my child, your children and all the innocently children across the world. What could bring such intimidation to me you ask? I will share. It is a very innocent looking thin box; it is about 52” long and hangs unassumingly on the wall above the fireplace. It is the TV!!! I am shaking as I type those two simple letters.

I will explain. What my child sees on the box is frightening. He watches a show with singing “things” They appear to me to be condoms. They are oval, rubbery and one them even has ribbing. I do not lie – this is true. Along with these dancing creatures is a man with a large head, orange hair and Buddy Holly glasses that pops up o the screen yelling. He is the epitome of the boogeyman. I fear the day (very far into the future) that mine son has to go to the local pharmacy to buy profolatex. He will innocently open the box, and have flashbacks to when he was just a toddler of two. He will curse me under his breath, he will think “I cannot believe my mother let me watch a show with singing and dancing condoms on it”. It could scar him emotionally for life

Also emitting from that box is a little dude name Noddy. This elflike person drives around the town in his fancy sports car handing out wrapped gifts to all. He also has a plane that he lands in the middle of the town square. Prior to his arrival the town folks are walking along as if they are waiting for the methadone clinic to open. Once he arrives the town junkies light up and they have vim and vigor in their step. He does not have a job, (how can afford such a luxury vehicle and plane)? His biggest clients and best friends are the local policemen. What is in those boxes? I believe it is drugs! There are evil gnomes that attempt to intercept these packages and take them for their own use. I am the most horrible parent on the planet, I allow my innocent boy to watch these corruptive shows. What am I letting him learn? Is he too young to learn that selling drugs gets you the girls and the nice car?

The absolute worst of these shows is Cailou. This 4 year old sissy whines more than I do with a few drinks in me while PMSing. His voice goes through me, he makes me want to take a .45 caliber to my temple. He is never happy; his parents need to place him on Prozac immediately! NO child of that age should be so miserable!

With that being said, my child is looking at the big box, yelling for me to turn it on. With any luck I will be able to locate an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba, Noddy or Cailou for him to watch.