I am writing this blog to my 2 year old son, in the hopes that one day while he is cyber surfing he will come across it and realize what an ass he can be! Yes, my faithful few, I called my child an ass! Get over it!
Dearest Billy,
Money does not grow on trees, you parents work very hard to put a roof over your head and by you the best and newest items. You must learn to respect Mommy and Daddys toys as well.
Why, oh why do you do the destructive things you do? You have cost your parents one billion dollars over the past two weeks. Lets begin with the phone. I realize that smashing it to the floor time and time again is great fun. I know how much you enjoy watching the battery fly out of the back and roll under the couch. But my loving child, it cost mommy and daddy $75.00 to replace it.
I am well aware Daddy left my camera in arms length of your tiny little hands. I assumed that once I yelled” Billy, no, put it down”, you would listen diligently and do as you were told. It was not necessary to show me that you could throw it halfway across the living room and over the couch, until it fell to its death. I would have been just as proud of your sluggers arm if you did it with say….um, a nerf ball. That little antic winded up taking $140.00 out of your college fund.
By far , my little cherub the worst act in the past two weeks was crashing our computer. You parents were well aware it was a seven year old dinosaur, but until you got a hold of it, it was performing the necessary functions. I am not exactly sure how you murdered it, but I do know one thing, I saw you tapping away at the keyboard and playing with disc drives. That was the last time she ever saw the light of day. We will not even dare to speak of how much buying a new on set your ever suffering parents aback.
Please my young son, I implore you, stay away from the household electronics. Mom and dad are not made of money. If you want to continue to eat and have this roof over your head keep your little fingers to yourself!