I consider myself an animal lover, and somewhat of an advocate. I have adopted all my animals from bad circumstances or shelters. I have paid dearly out of pocket to bring these animals back to health. I am a firm believer in spaying and neutering and it makes me sick when people allow their pets to have litters of puppies/kittens. I always give a generous donation to the SPCA. However, I am an animal lover not a friggin freak!
Sunday the ever suffering husband I took our darling son to a Llama/Alpaca animal rescue/sanctuary. What a wonderful place, they had rescued (of course) Llama and Alpacas, but beyond that horses, mini-horses, roosters, chickens and bunnies were also rescued. I thought what generous and truly selfless individuals. I gave a donation and proceeded to admire these wonderful people who give so much of themselves.
My son noticed the bunnies and ran over with unbridled excitement. I noticed one of them was lying helplessly in a cage. I questioned if the bunny was ok. A woman told me beaming from ear to ear “that is Casio, he is a quadriplegic” hhhmmm, I though, why would you keep that bunny alive, is that even humane? What kind of life does a bunny have when once a year it cannot hop around and give eggs to all the good boys and girls. It would be better off dead. I thought nothing further of the dumb ass rabbit and enjoyed watching my son interact with the Llamas.
What came next was heartbreaking. I almost felt sick. As you know my faithful few, all of my blogs are the truth and nothing but…so here it is. I came across (what I falsely thought was a basket full of straw). In the basket was a cute hen. A woman informed me it was a silky hen. I actually never saw a hen I would consider pretty, but this one surely was. I tepidly asked if I could touch it. I was told I could. I complimented the woman on her well behaved bird…It was not well behaved, it had a broken back! Yes, another quadriplegic. And she mentioned probably mentally impaired. I was scared of this woman, how the hell do you know if a hen is mentally impaired. Does it not know its abc’s at the age of two? Did it fail the Iowa test? I thought the rabbit was bad. But a hen is just totally crazy, above and beyond the norms of reason! That borders on the brink of insanity! I am sure a great boa and nuggets could be made from “Tessa.” I think she would prefer to go out in style knowing she helped feed and glamorize a family!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Married to God
It is very difficult being a mere mortal married to a god. My husband is all knowing (just ask him). He has so many talents, that there just isn’t enough room on this blog page to list them all.
We needed to go to a Wal-Mart two towns over today. MY Wal-Mart didn’t have a “must have” item in stock. I say to God “You know how to get there?” “Yes” he replies. Well, naturally he knows the route, after all, he is god.
The baby is strapped in the car seat and we pull out of the driveway. I (being silly as can be, questioning god) grab the GPS navigator out of the console and type in our destination. God looks at the mortal and states “We don’t need that, put it away, and be sure to power it all the way down or the thing will not stop jabbering”. I obey, away goes the GPS.
This is important my faithful few, remember I stated the Wal-Mart was only two VERY small towns away. After driving for about 30 minutes, I have the unmitigated gall to pose the question, “Are you sure you are going the right way?” HHHmmm, you would have thought I asked him if the sky was falling. Of COURSE we are going the right way. He did not see any signs to get off the highway. Me, and my stupid mouth felt it necessary to inform him that I had been to the store before and he was going the wrong way. That is a statement God never wants to hear. I must be mistaken, there is no way I could possibly know how to get to the destination.
A one point, when the signs were welcoming us to another state (yes this is true) he pulled over. He was not happy about having to give into the fact he was wrong. (Well, technically HE wasn’t wrong, the idiots who post the highway signs were wrong). I informed him that he should have listened to me. I believe he muttered something to the affect “If you don’t stop gloating I am going to slam the breaks on this car going 30 MPH”. (Oh yeah I am one lucky lady to have found God)
He finally ceded and let the GPS do it job. We arrived safely. But God was in a bit of snit. Yet again, I had to open my mouth and say “I told you so”. I just could not let it go. Why on earth would this man not use the GPS from the get go? I do not understand the thinking behind it.
I guess God would rather spend money on gas and valuable time driving down the highway to nowhere. Needless to say, we are still not getting along. This is one pissed off God. I guess me, the mere mortal, knowing one tidbit of information is enough to smack his ego out of whack. He may be pissed that I will not “let it go”. But I plan on riding this wave until the bitter end, smiling inside. Ha ha God – Take that!
We needed to go to a Wal-Mart two towns over today. MY Wal-Mart didn’t have a “must have” item in stock. I say to God “You know how to get there?” “Yes” he replies. Well, naturally he knows the route, after all, he is god.
The baby is strapped in the car seat and we pull out of the driveway. I (being silly as can be, questioning god) grab the GPS navigator out of the console and type in our destination. God looks at the mortal and states “We don’t need that, put it away, and be sure to power it all the way down or the thing will not stop jabbering”. I obey, away goes the GPS.
This is important my faithful few, remember I stated the Wal-Mart was only two VERY small towns away. After driving for about 30 minutes, I have the unmitigated gall to pose the question, “Are you sure you are going the right way?” HHHmmm, you would have thought I asked him if the sky was falling. Of COURSE we are going the right way. He did not see any signs to get off the highway. Me, and my stupid mouth felt it necessary to inform him that I had been to the store before and he was going the wrong way. That is a statement God never wants to hear. I must be mistaken, there is no way I could possibly know how to get to the destination.
A one point, when the signs were welcoming us to another state (yes this is true) he pulled over. He was not happy about having to give into the fact he was wrong. (Well, technically HE wasn’t wrong, the idiots who post the highway signs were wrong). I informed him that he should have listened to me. I believe he muttered something to the affect “If you don’t stop gloating I am going to slam the breaks on this car going 30 MPH”. (Oh yeah I am one lucky lady to have found God)
He finally ceded and let the GPS do it job. We arrived safely. But God was in a bit of snit. Yet again, I had to open my mouth and say “I told you so”. I just could not let it go. Why on earth would this man not use the GPS from the get go? I do not understand the thinking behind it.
I guess God would rather spend money on gas and valuable time driving down the highway to nowhere. Needless to say, we are still not getting along. This is one pissed off God. I guess me, the mere mortal, knowing one tidbit of information is enough to smack his ego out of whack. He may be pissed that I will not “let it go”. But I plan on riding this wave until the bitter end, smiling inside. Ha ha God – Take that!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
GREASE!!!!!
I can barely contain my excitement as I write this. I am so elated I feel as if I could just float away!! What could make me feel so happy you ask? I hope you are seated…you will not believe it, but my faithful few, I tell you no lies…Grease is being re-released to the movies I KNOW!! However, that is not the most wonderful news ever though, wait for it…it is a sing along! Oh yes, you read it right. I could not imagine in a million years that Grease could be improved, but they did it! The impossible has occurred, and the best part is that it is in my lifetime
How a completely genius and awesome is that!!??? Lordy, I can’t wait!! I am gong to grab my girlfriends, and of course the gays, what would a Grease sing along be without my gays? I will bring an extra large purse and make sure it is stocked with adult elixirs, and oh yes, I will get my sing on! For those who are not as familiar with the lyrics, fret you not, the will be on the screen for you. No one should be left out of this fantastical moment in time
I will be belting out all my faves! I have been waiting for this moment my entire life, there is a god! This is so much better than the Rocky Horror picture show. It is better than candy, it is better than Christmas!
Picture it, me dressed as a Pink Lady, one of my gays as Zucco, we will joyously be standing in the aisle doing the hand jive and singing along with the lyrics. What is better than that. I will tell you what is better than that NOTHING, not a fucking thing!
Those two hours will be my Eden. I will be in heaven. In my heaven there is a drive-in, a dance off, and a huge school carnival. God does answer prays!
I do have a small canundrum, how on earth am I going to sip my elixir while gleefully performing all the renditions? I guess where there is a will there is a way. And I have one hell of a strong will.
To the studio head who green lighted the epic event, I will be forever in your debt, and I thank you from the cockles of my very happy heart!
How a completely genius and awesome is that!!??? Lordy, I can’t wait!! I am gong to grab my girlfriends, and of course the gays, what would a Grease sing along be without my gays? I will bring an extra large purse and make sure it is stocked with adult elixirs, and oh yes, I will get my sing on! For those who are not as familiar with the lyrics, fret you not, the will be on the screen for you. No one should be left out of this fantastical moment in time
I will be belting out all my faves! I have been waiting for this moment my entire life, there is a god! This is so much better than the Rocky Horror picture show. It is better than candy, it is better than Christmas!
Picture it, me dressed as a Pink Lady, one of my gays as Zucco, we will joyously be standing in the aisle doing the hand jive and singing along with the lyrics. What is better than that. I will tell you what is better than that NOTHING, not a fucking thing!
Those two hours will be my Eden. I will be in heaven. In my heaven there is a drive-in, a dance off, and a huge school carnival. God does answer prays!
I do have a small canundrum, how on earth am I going to sip my elixir while gleefully performing all the renditions? I guess where there is a will there is a way. And I have one hell of a strong will.
To the studio head who green lighted the epic event, I will be forever in your debt, and I thank you from the cockles of my very happy heart!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Mom vs Kite
I am once again going to dole out some free advice to my faithful few. I implore you to heed it. Here is my story.
It was a picturesque evening at the beach. The sun was setting, wind was blowing, it was not a chilly wind, it was perfect temperature. The tide was low and gave us plenty of room to run around flying a kite. What could possible go wrong?
My ever suffering hubby and I got the kite ready; my son was smiling from ear to ear, he was gleefully chirping kite, kite! My husband got the kite up and flying, he gingerly placde the handle into my sons eagerly waiting little hands. He held on tight to his prized kite (for about 5 seconds). Then he screams OH NO! And you know what came next. There I was an almost 40 y/o woman chasing a kite down the beach. Mind you this is no easy talk, I would think to myself I got it, then no sooner the handle of string would jump another two feet. This kite was mocking me. It is a sinister and evil piece of plastic. This exercise in woman versus kite went on for about 2 mins. I thought for sure the kite was gone as it ascended higher in to the heavens. Fortunately it got caught up in a bush and I was able to detangle the string and return the beloved kite back to my boy.
One should have learned their lesson after this adventure, but no me. I am a glutton. How cute it was watching the boy hold his kite smiling into the sky. We let him hold it again, and you guessed it, another battle was waged between mom and the fucking spider man kite! I leaped over sea grass, I bounded over divets in the sand full of water, I climbed over prickly bushes, and yes, once again I was the victor!
This kite and I have a special relationship, it knows I hate it. But it is also wise to the fact I cannot kill it. If I do the latter it would cause my son deep sadness. The stupid spiderman kite and I certainly will go another round. It does not know who it is messing with. I may look like an out of shape woman in my very late 30’s. However, raging inside me is a true despiser of this kite. I will never let it win, NEVER! It will not and cannot beat me down.
For the elderly couple watching this display I apologize for the fowl language and almost taking you out with an elbow jab. In my defense, you should have moved out of the way. Didn’t my look of sheer determination give you pause to think. I was hell bent, I was blinded with rage, the kite would be returned to its rightful owner.
The moral of this tale is NEVER not even once, let a two year old hold a kite alone! I would like to save others from the suffering I had to go through at the hands of the kite!
It was a picturesque evening at the beach. The sun was setting, wind was blowing, it was not a chilly wind, it was perfect temperature. The tide was low and gave us plenty of room to run around flying a kite. What could possible go wrong?
My ever suffering hubby and I got the kite ready; my son was smiling from ear to ear, he was gleefully chirping kite, kite! My husband got the kite up and flying, he gingerly placde the handle into my sons eagerly waiting little hands. He held on tight to his prized kite (for about 5 seconds). Then he screams OH NO! And you know what came next. There I was an almost 40 y/o woman chasing a kite down the beach. Mind you this is no easy talk, I would think to myself I got it, then no sooner the handle of string would jump another two feet. This kite was mocking me. It is a sinister and evil piece of plastic. This exercise in woman versus kite went on for about 2 mins. I thought for sure the kite was gone as it ascended higher in to the heavens. Fortunately it got caught up in a bush and I was able to detangle the string and return the beloved kite back to my boy.
One should have learned their lesson after this adventure, but no me. I am a glutton. How cute it was watching the boy hold his kite smiling into the sky. We let him hold it again, and you guessed it, another battle was waged between mom and the fucking spider man kite! I leaped over sea grass, I bounded over divets in the sand full of water, I climbed over prickly bushes, and yes, once again I was the victor!
This kite and I have a special relationship, it knows I hate it. But it is also wise to the fact I cannot kill it. If I do the latter it would cause my son deep sadness. The stupid spiderman kite and I certainly will go another round. It does not know who it is messing with. I may look like an out of shape woman in my very late 30’s. However, raging inside me is a true despiser of this kite. I will never let it win, NEVER! It will not and cannot beat me down.
For the elderly couple watching this display I apologize for the fowl language and almost taking you out with an elbow jab. In my defense, you should have moved out of the way. Didn’t my look of sheer determination give you pause to think. I was hell bent, I was blinded with rage, the kite would be returned to its rightful owner.
The moral of this tale is NEVER not even once, let a two year old hold a kite alone! I would like to save others from the suffering I had to go through at the hands of the kite!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Beer sucks!
WHY??? Why oh, why did I have to age. I know for sure my body chemistry has changed. I am no longer the spry young thing I once was. I have known this for awhile but believe I was in denial. I am taking the first step and admitting that I am unable to perform some of the activities I used to indulge in when I wore a younger ladies soul.
My friend Liza came over the other night. I was giddy with excitement, a friend, yeah, we will talk about girlie stuff and drank some adult elixirs. I was completely unaware of the fact the poison would render me useless.
Liza stopped by and cradled in her arms was a twelve back of beer. My eyes lit up, I took one of the cans and enjoyed the taste as it rolled down my throat. I wish it never absorbed into my body! Well, maybe one or two, dare I even go as far as three would have been ok. But did Liza and I stop at three, HELL NO! We joyfully polished off that twelve pack.
We were commiserating about husbands and kids, life in general. Then, as if teenage girls invaded our bodies we begin singing and dancing around my house. We left the large picture window unshaded and put on a show for all the neighbors and the poor passer byers who just happened to have the misfortune of heading down Hathaway Street.
As we took our sixth beer each out of the fridge a wave of panicked swept over us, OH NO! What are we to do? No worries, I sent my ever suffering husband out into the night to purchase more. When he opened the door with a fresh new six pack we were happier than a six year old on Christmas morning. We continued to dance and sing (we are excellent dancers and singers, just ask any of my neighbors). The inevitable occurred, we drank the six pack. YIKES! A normal person would have probably realized they had enough already. But we are no ordinary ladies you see. Off went the husband for yet another beer run.
At some point in time we came to our senses and put down the beer (either our senses or my body quit, do not exactly recall). I thought all was well as I headed into my bed. I was WRONG!
The next morning I paid and paid and paid! I felt as if I could sleep for a week. After showering I still felt as if I had a layer of filth on my skin. And don’t get me going on how many times I brushed my teeth, I hope I still have enamel left on them. My child still needed tending to and I barely had the strength to lift him.
I am glad this is not something that is typical for me. But it does sadden me that I am physically unable to partake in activities such as this even once in awhile. What did I do to deserve this? When did I become someone else? Damn you old body!! I damn you to hell. I want my old body and soul back – it was much more fun and treated me a lot kinder!
My friend Liza came over the other night. I was giddy with excitement, a friend, yeah, we will talk about girlie stuff and drank some adult elixirs. I was completely unaware of the fact the poison would render me useless.
Liza stopped by and cradled in her arms was a twelve back of beer. My eyes lit up, I took one of the cans and enjoyed the taste as it rolled down my throat. I wish it never absorbed into my body! Well, maybe one or two, dare I even go as far as three would have been ok. But did Liza and I stop at three, HELL NO! We joyfully polished off that twelve pack.
We were commiserating about husbands and kids, life in general. Then, as if teenage girls invaded our bodies we begin singing and dancing around my house. We left the large picture window unshaded and put on a show for all the neighbors and the poor passer byers who just happened to have the misfortune of heading down Hathaway Street.
As we took our sixth beer each out of the fridge a wave of panicked swept over us, OH NO! What are we to do? No worries, I sent my ever suffering husband out into the night to purchase more. When he opened the door with a fresh new six pack we were happier than a six year old on Christmas morning. We continued to dance and sing (we are excellent dancers and singers, just ask any of my neighbors). The inevitable occurred, we drank the six pack. YIKES! A normal person would have probably realized they had enough already. But we are no ordinary ladies you see. Off went the husband for yet another beer run.
At some point in time we came to our senses and put down the beer (either our senses or my body quit, do not exactly recall). I thought all was well as I headed into my bed. I was WRONG!
The next morning I paid and paid and paid! I felt as if I could sleep for a week. After showering I still felt as if I had a layer of filth on my skin. And don’t get me going on how many times I brushed my teeth, I hope I still have enamel left on them. My child still needed tending to and I barely had the strength to lift him.
I am glad this is not something that is typical for me. But it does sadden me that I am physically unable to partake in activities such as this even once in awhile. What did I do to deserve this? When did I become someone else? Damn you old body!! I damn you to hell. I want my old body and soul back – it was much more fun and treated me a lot kinder!
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